I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
