I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
