I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
