i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
