Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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