its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
