I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize