i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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