He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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