You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
