Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
