fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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