after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
