I think my vagina is haunted
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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