I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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