Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
