how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
