We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
