Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
