I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
