it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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