HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
