he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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