I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need a beard to bite.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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