i barfeds in our rink
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
