you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
