Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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