If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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