Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
