hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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