I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
