11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
