So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
