If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pants are for mortals
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
