My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
