They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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