Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
