also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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