Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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