Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
