my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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