I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize