sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
