She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My vagina just clenched in fear
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
