I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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