did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
