theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
