i jhust puked up my retainher.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's always time for handjobs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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