I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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