Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
