The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize