did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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