sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
