The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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