everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
