just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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