Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
