I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
tell your sister to shave her snatch
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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