I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
