I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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