rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
