i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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