I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
