Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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