I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
