Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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