Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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