if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
