Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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