i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
