it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
