i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
