This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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