i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
