This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize