Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
