Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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