i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
