not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I love you. Go after that dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
