We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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