I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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