One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
