Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize