you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
