if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize