Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I could have mohawked her pubes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
