So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
