Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
