You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize