He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
