Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
