Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
