I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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