why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
