You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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