In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What a dumb baby whore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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