You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
